Author Archives: Les AuCoin

If Only Obama Would Have a Bullworth Moment

NOTE: Until now, I’ve never republished some other writer’s article on this blog. But this piece by Ezra Klein of the Washington Post is so spot on, I had to share it with my readers. If Obama actually had a fictional moment such as this, I’m pretty sure he would hoisted on the shoulders of American voters. What do you think?

I take you now to a White House press conference that I only wish would be held:

President Obama: Good afternoon. As you know, on Wednesday, Treasury Secretary Lew asked for and received the resignation of acting IRS director Stephen Miller. I want to reemphasize that my administration will not tolerate this kind of behavior at the I.R.S. or any other agency. But I don’t want to see this whole town get distracted from the other pressing work we have to do, either. The American people deserve a government they can trust. But they also deserve one that makes progress on problems like unemployment and immigration and sequestration. In fact…I mean, I should be clear. [Heavy sigh.] Actually, why don’t I just take some of your questions.

Q: Thank you, Mr. President. At this point, though, can the American people actually trust their government? There’s a sense that these issues might just be the tip of the iceberg.

Obama: [Long pause.] Are you kidding me? No, the American people can’t trust their government. They can’t trust their media either, I might add. But that’s not because of a couple of I.R.S. agents out in Cincinnati. We can fix the Cincinnati office. Let me be clear: We’re already fixing the Cincinnati office. This problem was solved a year ago. The guy who solved it just got fired anyway because you all wanted to see some blood on the walls and I’m just political enough to give it to you.

Look, the reason the American people can’t trust their government is here in Washington. Right now sequestration is cutting unemployment checks by 10 or 11 percent. Do you hear anyone talking about that? Or doing anything about it? No. You hear Republicans aides telling Politico, anonymously, that the speaker is quote “obsessed” with Benghazi. You know, I don’t think most of the Republicans screaming about Benghazi could find Libya on a map. I don’t think 10 of them knew our ambassador’s name. And, let me be clear, Speaker Boehner certainly wasn’t obsessed with giving us the money we asked for to keep the embassy’s safe.

But now he’s obsessed with Benghazi. And not even Benghazi. The Benghazi talking points. Are you kidding me? He’s not obsessed with global warming or unemployment or rebuilding our infrastructure. And now that there’s conflict, all of you are obsessed with Benghazi talking points too, and meanwhile, we’re cutting the National Institutes of Health and we’re cutting too deep into the military and we’re making life harder for the unemployed and we’re doing nothing to keep this planet in good shape for our kids.

Look, this is why the American people can’t trust their government. Because this town is obsessed with conflict and political advantage and not with real problems. We worry about the wrong things so much that we don’t even have time to talk to the American people or each other about the right things. And that’s not the I.R.S.’s fault.

Q: Sir, you’ve been criticized in recent weeks for being overly passive. And as you say here, it’s your view the government isn’t doing enough on the problems facing the American people. Isn’t it up to you to lead?

Obama: Let me be clear. This kind of question right here is the problem. You have no idea what it actually is that you’re asking. If you did, you wouldn’t use the word “lead.” You’d be specific. You’d say, shouldn’t I be putting forward a budget that includes serious compromises on entitlement spending to show I’ll meet the Republicans halfway. But I did that. You’d say shouldn’t you be reaching out more to the Hill, trying to build some personal relationships with more congressional Republicans, maybe invite Paul Ryan to lunch? But I did that. You’d say, shouldn’t you just sign an executive order repealing sequestration. But I can’t do that, and you know that. You could say, why aren’t you ordering the army to march on Capitol Hill and simply take the place over? But I’m not going to stage a coup, and you don’t want me to.

So you use this word “lead.” And it gives you cover. It lets you say the fault here is on both sides. The Republicans, they won’t compromise, and they won’t work with me, and they keep threatening to shut down the government or breach the debt ceiling. But, on the other hand, I’m not leading. And so it’s all kind of even. And then no one can criticize you for being partisan. No one can say you’re taking a side. No one can criticize you at all because no one can argue with the word “lead” until you define it, which you never do.

But let me be clear, you are taking a side. You’re taking the side of this town not working again. You’re taking the side of the media backing off of its role as a neutral arbiter and becoming an enabler of whatever irresponsible political strategy one party or the other happens to pick that week. You’re taking the side of what’s easy for you over what your readers and listeners need you to do.

Look, I’m happy to lead. I’ve sent young men and women to die in battle. I ordered a raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound that, if it went wrong, could’ve destroyed my presidency. I made decisions to rescue banks and automakers that honestly turned my stomach. I’ve told my base things they really didn’t want to hear on entitlements and the public option and the Bush tax cuts. I pushed health-care reform over the finish line even after the polls had dropped and everyone was saying it would be my Waterloo. I’ve proven that I’ll lead. I need some Republicans to lead, too. That’s the only way this works. Yes, in the front.

Q: In Wednesday’s Politico, Mike Allen and Jim VandeHei write that, and I’m quoting, “D.C’ turns on Obama,” They say that “Republicans have waited five years for the moment to put the screws to Obama — and they have one-third of all congressional committees on the case now. Establishment Democrats, never big fans of this president to begin with, are starting to speak out. And reporters are tripping over themselves to condemn lies, bullying and shadiness in the Obama administration.” Can you govern in this town without the support of this town?

Obama: Are you serious?

Q: Um, yes?

Obama: Let me be clear. I hate this town. If it hates me back, well, I welcome its hatred. I take that as a badge of honor. The place Politico means when it talks about D.C. — which is a place, by the way, that doesn’t include 97.5 percent of the people who live in the actual Washington, D.C. — is a bad city with bad values and I’m ashamed to be part of it.

You guys always want me to tell you what I’m doing wrong. Here’s what I’m doing wrong. I still let myself care about Politico’s Washington. I let myself care what’s written on op-ed pages and what’s said on cable news. I read this stuff and I get mad. And every moment I spend doing that is a moment when I’m getting further and further away from real peoples’ problems. Every moment I spend doing that is a moment I’m not checking up on the implementation on health reform or hearing more options on Syria. Every moment I spend meeting about our “message” is a moment I’m not spending on the road around people’s kitchen tables letting them tell me what they’re worried about.

Look, I wanted to change Washington. And I think that the legislation we passed has changed America. But to be honest, so far as the way Washington works goes, Washington has changed me, and I don’t like it. That’s one place I broke a promise to the American people. And today is part of my repentance.

Q: But Mr. President, if LBJ had taken that attitude, would we really have gotten the Great Society?

OBAMA: Oh, Jesus Christ. [drops mic]


Hell Explained by Chemistry Student

The following is reputed to be an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

“Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

“This gives two possibilities:

“1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

“2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

“So which is it?

“If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct–leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being. Which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’”

This student received an A+.


“Obama Wins the Future?” Stop Dreaming, Says Frank Rich

[In an early version of this piece, I mistakenly called Frank Rich "Frank Church." My thanks to an alert reader. How do these things happen? Surely, this isn't the age thing. Is it?]

I find this fascinating: two respected liberal commentators, having studied Tuesday’s election, arrive at wholly different conclusions about the balloting’s long range effect on American politics. It’s worth reading both and seeing with whom you agree.

The utopian blue view comes from the American Prospect’s Bob Moser, who says a new liberal majority has been born (Obama Wins The Future, 11/7/12). In the other corner, New York magazine’s Frank Rich, a liberal with impeccable credentials, sees red and says, The Tea Party Will Win in the End.)

I’ll be fascinated to know what you think!

When you’ve studied the articles, leave a critiquing comment. It’ll be interested to see which scenario readers most agree with.


They Wouldn’t Know ‘Socialism’ if it Walked Up & Spit in Their Face

“Defined for a couple of centuries as state control of the means of mass production, socialism has come to be considered, since the moment Obama stepped foot into the White House, as any government involvement in the economy whatsoever, which [then is to say] we’ve been a socialist country since:

  • “1791 when Hamilton created a national bank,
  • “Since the federal government’s foray into the real estate business in the early 1800s when President Jefferson raided the treasury to make a killing on the Louisiana territories, 
  • “President Andrew Jackson used the government to break up the same bank that Hamilton used the government to make, 
  • “Republican President Lincoln used the government to build a railroad and,
  • “Republican President Theodore Roosevelt used the power of the federal government to break up big business.

“The question is whether any of this historical miscellany matters to those who call Obama a radical any more than does information having to do with the world’s weather …”

~ Steve Erickson, The Atlantic Monthly, November 5, 2012.


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