Tag Archives: Les AuCoin

Hell Explained by Chemistry Student

The following is reputed to be an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

“Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

“This gives two possibilities:

“1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

“2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

“So which is it?

“If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct–leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being. Which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’”

This student received an A+.


Bad Moon Over Kuwait

[Prior to tonight's first presidential debate on foreign policy, I am posting this report from my recent mission to the Persian Gulf, the first in a series. You're not apt to hear any questions about these matters in the debate. They're not on the radar of the mainstream media. More's the pity, because what happens in this region is likely to be more important to our future than many "events" parsed tonight with Bob Schieffer. This blog is the first in a series about my late September fact-finding mission to Oman and Kuwait. My trip followed the Arab Spring, the Egyptian revolution, and widespread uprisings across the Arab world over the anti-Muslim film, Innocence of Muslims, each of which have left a restiveness in the Arab street. 

"Are democratic reforms desirable if they give the keys of power to people who would destroy it?"

With the question, the young Kuwaiti attorney’s ebony eyes held my gaze intently. He is part of a sophisticated, westernized generation of thirty-somethings in this most democratic state in the Arab world, and profoundly disturbed by Islamists who rode the Arab Spring to a 34-seat parliamentary majority in Kuwait’s elections last February. Fourteen of the seats are held by individuals linked by the Associated Press to Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood.

My young friend is proud of the Kuwait monarchy’s democratic freedoms, with its elected parliament and elected House Speaker. But he believes the Arab Spring has made the country vulnerable to subversive poseurs who are politically manipulating the country’s still-tribal culture to seize power before the country builds the civic capacity to sustain democratic values.

“They’ll happily walk through the door democracy offers, but then lock it shut behind them. First Tunisia, Egypt, Syria and Libya. Next Bahrain, Jordan and Kuwait. Their goal is an Islamic caliphate across Northern Africa and the Gulf.”

A caliphate. In Kuwait.

Sharia law across one of the most important geo-political regions of the world.

To my friend’s thinking, George W. Bush’s “Freedom Agenda” for the Middle East was simplistic and catastrophic. I have always thought so too, but nothing brought it home more so than my recent two-week State Department mission to Kuwait and Oman, a trip designed for the travelers to learn from each other and increase mutual understanding.

As I left Kuwait, the country had plunged into a high-stakes game in which the Emir, Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah, had dissolved the 2012-elected parliament. The Supreme Court, declaring the royal decree unconstitutional, then reinstated the 2009 parliament, which the Emir subsequently also dissolved, leaving the country in a state of suspicion, consternation, and political upheaval.

Compounding the crisis, just last Friday the Emir decreed a new election law to govern new elections. The parliamentary opposition is enraged, believing the law is contrived to work against them. It has called for street demonstrations, a boycott of the election, and other civil disobedience.

Beneath the surface of the earth lay 10 percent of the world’s known oil reserves. Across the Persian Gulf lay Iran.

[NEXT: How the present election law works, what monarchies like Kuwait need most, and the conundrum for the U.S.]


Why Obama Now

CLICK HERE FOR A FUNDAMENTAL ILLUSTRATION OF WHAT’S AT STAKE IN THIS ELECTION.

This animation cuts through the fog and explains the difference between the President Obama and Romney. It is malarkey-free.


Romney and My Gag Reflex

I almost threw up when Mittens delivered his “more-in-sorrow-than-anger” prime time pirouette about Obama’s alleged lack of achievements.  For the record, I’m putting a list of Obama’s first term accomplishments here. As you can see, some of the ideas actually came from the GOP. 

But Obama had to do it without a modicum of help from the Cro-Magnons Republicans. From the beginning, they were bent on defeating the “Other,” the upstart black man, in spite of the national klaxon screaming for jobs, homes, purchasing power, affordable health care, a healthy environment, and other national solutions.

In my lifetime, until now I’d never seen a bloc of pols put their blood lust for power so nakedly above country. But they did–defying an Obama first term mandate in electoral and popular votes that eclipsed every president since LBJ. (Yes, a mandate even larger than their icon, Reagan.)

But of course “the will of the people” is something Romney, McConnell, Boehner, Lyin’ Ryan, and their pals, think of as a something they can manufacture much like a box of Kleenex or some other commodity to secure power and shield from the rest of us, those, like them, who are rich enough for gated neighborhoods, tax shelters, private schools, living trusts, top doctors, and full employment.

Tip O’Neill, a true patriot, once said, “We have only one president at a time.” I knew Tip O’Neill. Tip O’Neill was a friend of mine. Mittens, you and your kind are no Tip O’Neill.


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